When preparing for this talk, I had so many ideas and thoughts running through my mind that it was hard to figure out what I could say that would be the most helpful.
After starting and stopping a few times, I finally narrowed it down to 3 things you can start working on today to help strengthen your home and family against the invasive and destructive effects of pornography.
1- We need to learn how to talk openly, calmly and unashamedly about pornography, sexuality and our bodies. This is something I have struggled with as a mother. As a teen, things often weren’t talked about frankly or clearly when it came to chastity. I think the attitude back then was that sheltering us and being somewhat vague about sexuality would keep us more pure; not give us any ideas. We no longer have that kind of luxury in today’s sex-saturated society. Especially as mothers and wives, we need to get over our discomfort and awkwardness and be clear, concise and matter of fact. We need to be able to answer questions and provide accurate information about what true love and intimacy are.
2- In order to be truly effective when discussing these sensitive topics, we need to have a strong and deep relationship with each of our family members. It is critical that we are able to create and maintain the bond needed to encourage our family members to confide in us and share their struggles and dreams. If we want to have the ability to influence family members in a positive way, they have to know that we love them and that we have their best interests at heart. We have to be on their side, on their team. If we have that kind of relationship, we will have the ability to say, or hear, hard things-and one in which they will truly listen to our guidance and counsel.
3- We need to learn how to create an atmosphere in our home where
everyone feels it’s ok to make mistakes. There’s a culture among our members that gives the impression that we have to be perfect. That is a lie. We don’t need to put up a front, we don’t need to pretend things are always perfect because that is simply not true. When we worry about what others think, to the point of being insincere and disingenuous, our family will pick up on that. We want our family members to be real with us. We can’t help those who don’t feel safe enough to come to us for help. Think of what you can do to create a more safe and forgiving atmosphere in your home. We need to be able to help our family know they can make mistakes. We need to allow space for others to learn from their mistakes and to help each other on this journey through mortality. They are still valued. They are still loved. Remember the bumper sticker Pres Uchtdorf referenced in one of his conference talks a few years ago, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.” When it comes to sexual sins, there is a lot of shame, heartache and especially fear. But none of us are without sin. We are all beggars before the Lord.
Doctrine & Covenants 1:31-32
31 For I the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance; 32 Nevertheless, he that repents and does the commandments of the Lord shall be forgiven;
There is a quote by Sis Joy D Jones, Primary General President, from her talk in the Oct 2017 General Conference, entitled “Value Beyond Measure”:
⁃ “When we sin we are less worthy, but we are never worth less”
I know this is true. I know that even weak things can become strong and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, “though our sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow.” And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.